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Nik Trades me Tattooed Vintage Farting Duck for Two Red Screamers

Traded With: 
Nik or Vanilla Ice?

Nik offered me this Vintage Farting Duck that was very cool in its own right but I asked him to tattoo it for me.

I'm glad I did. It was cool before but now it's freaking awesome. It also proves that I can make Nik do some things....maybe not anything...but at least some things.

I do feel bad though because the Red Screamer that I sent Nik in exchange broke in transite. BUT -- it's the one time in bARTer Sauce history that I actually have another one of the same item to send him to replace it. I can guarantee you that will never happen again. From now on, if I'm irresponsible in my packaging, you're just totally screwed.

I also made him answer these "interview" questions:

Q: What size shoes does your wife wear?
A. My wife and I have the same shoe size 8 and 1/2 mens / 10 1/2 womens. She steals my clothes too.

Q: How did you guys meet?
A: We had always talked online but the 1st time we met was at a VNV Nation show in SF. I saw her in line and said "Hey it's you!" and she gave me a weird look. And that started it all. I always had this Calvin-esque kind of crush on her where by irritating her I thought I was impressing her hahaha

Q: Does she snore?
A: No, she does the jitterbug. Just these random twitches and shakes like she's fighting ninjas.

Q: Do you snore?
A: Yes, unfortunately, always after a night of drinking. And I drool. Horribly.

Q: How come she didn't like the evil-looking doll lamp?
A: Her grandmother has a house full of her old dolls. She used to sleep with all those vacant glass eyes watching her. Just this quiet army of cherub faces. The lamp, in my opinion, looked like it had killed already. Dolls are like animals who get a taste for blood.

Q: Does she have any nicknames for you?
A: Mr. Plaid, Jub Jub, and Quit Farting

Q: How do you get inspiration for a painting -- does it just strike you or do you plan it out first?
A: I never know what I'm doing until I'm done. Everything I try to plan out becomes something else. If I get a brain fart it becomes a clown.

Q: How did you and Temple meet?
A: Temple and I met at a party where we spent hours talking about taxidermy and talking a girl out of the refridgerator. I think I said something like "I build death machines" and she said "I make jagged teethed vaginas with spider legs" and we've been friends ever since.

Q: Have you ever been to Seattle?
A: I took the train through once going cross country. I want to go again. I love the rain and damp weather. I hate California's weather. I'm not a lizard. This heat can go.

Q: If space monkeys suddenly flew out of your butt what is the first thing you would say to them?
A: "Not again!"

Q: Did you know that Phenelteneurics contains Phenelalanine?
A: No, what the hell is that? hahaha

Q: How high do you high five?
A: I'm only three apples tall. Not very high.

Q: Have you done anything dumb lately? Please describe.
A: I was watching Jerry Springer and felt really dumb. I wish I had thought of it first.