Nik Trades me Hopeful Caterpillar with a Bunch of Stars and Crap for Still Life

I am an extremely lazy person and actually asked Nik to write his own hilarious interview questions and then answer them.

Must people would have told me to go jump in the lake. But Nik didn't. He wrote the questions. Why? Because he is a stand up guy, that's why. With lots of free time, I imagine.

See:

Q. What are three wishes:
1. To spank bigfoot
2. to drain Loch Ness once and for all
3. Ask aliens if they download porn

Q. If you were to ask Jesus anything what would it be?
A. If he thought about spanking bigfoot too

Q. Does David Bowie really drain the blood of one-hit wonders thereby never aging?
A. Britney Spears is his Renfield

Q. Who did you vote for?
A. Kang and Kodos

Q. If you had all the money in the world?
A. Go to Japan and blow it all in vending machines

Q. Pickles?
A. Gravy