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Cross With Weird Stuff On It

Original Owner: 
A cross with weird stuff on it
A cross with weird stuff on it
A cross with weird stuff on it
Matchbook that says, "Phil eats vag for change."

Will's story that came with the Cross With Weird Stuff On It:

Phil Eats Vag For Change

I was at a bar the other day drinking cheap beer and having cheaper conversation about all manner of boring things like how hot Serena Williams is when she plays tennis and there was a brandy glass full of matchbooks. I live in NC and we're like the mecca for tobacco farmers everywhere, so you can still light up in a bar and pretty much anywhere because those yankee law fucks can make whatever kind of laws they want and the old schoolers will still light up and nobody is going to say anything because goddammit this is North Carolina and it's a god given right to smoke one of our past number one cash crops.

Anyway, I don't smoke, but I did enough second hand smoking in my house growing up to hold me over for quite some time. In this brandy glass were a bunch of non-descript matchbooks. Most of them were plain white and not very interesting, but some of the matchbooks had been written on. At first I thought it was some sort of advertising and, in a way, it was, but the messages on the matchbooks had been written in some type of permanent marker by a bar patron. It was a mystery and, like a mystery, I unfolded every single one of them. On the outside of the matches were weird facts that were unverifiable in a bar without access to Google. On the inside were ads for some guy named Phil and Phil's phone number. Thay said things like "Call Phil, he's not picky" or "Phil: A guy who would never dutch oven you" each had his phone number on it.

The most hilarious one was "Phil eats vag for change." What does that mean do you think? I was wondering if like he'll eat some vag for a few quarters and a nickel or if he was like eating vag as a humanitarian cause to change the world in some way, like if Obama was eating vag. eating vag for CHANGE!!, not eating vag FOR change.

I think I could get behind a cause like eating vag for spreading world peace and making change in the world like eating vag to save war orphans or refugees or to spread knowledge to the ignorant vages of the world. We laughed about that Phil eating vag for change matchbook. I took a picture of it and my friend who was with me took it with him as a souvenir. I am hoping that Phil got some kind of response for all that trouble that someone put into writing down his name and funny things about him on random matchbooks. The handwriting was very girlish in it's curves and whatnot. Afterword we had another PBR and toasted to Phil who, we can only pray, is eating vag for CHANGE! World change, because if you're good enough at it, I truly believe that eating vag could be a world changing experience.