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Lauren Trades Me 25 Door Plates for Boobs Over My Hammy

Lauren with her bARTer Sauce trade: Boobs Over My Hammy

Lauren's Answers to my Annoying Interview Questions:

Dear Rosalie,

I posted a photo of the door plate along with my face in the picture. I hope you enjoyed it, I am thee most photogenic person I know.

As for the interview questions:

1. My foot is a size 8 or 9, it always depends on the shoe. The actual length of my foot is 25 cm in length and no, I will not give you the measurement in inches because I am Canadian and I'm sure you can figure it out. (1 in=2.5 cm)

Naked Men

Original Owner: 
Naked Men, An Item In bARTer Sauce

Since Nik is so "interested" in what I purchase and since he owed me another story, I've asked him to put together an imaginary shopping list for me.

What does that mean? I'm not really sure -- let's leave that up to Nik to interpret. 

My imaginary shopping list for Rosalie:

  • 6 pack of Unicorn blood
  • Bottled Gypsy tears
  • Kraken E-Z Squeezin' Cheese
  • Plastic Hammer
  • Ugly Baby Finger Puppets (Assorted)
  • Teleporter
  • Interocitor

Nik Trades Me Stolen Unicorn Poster and Transvestite Robot for Weird Rooster Thing and I Can See Butt

bARTer Sauce Trade

Nik trades with me all the time.

About twice a month. And he has set up his own art trading project inspired by bARTer Sauce. He's a fan. And I'm a fan of him. All that said, I've had to come up with probably hundreds of "interview" questions for Nik to answer.

So this time we're going with Fun Facts! Fun. Facts about Nik: 

  • I compulsively cut my hair. Not in any professional way. In my mind it looks good but in the mirror not so much.

Nik Trades Me Aku Aku Book and Mondo Jubjub for Proud Green Boobs and Full Metal Bra

Nik in a straight jacked at an art show in a donut shop

Nik's answers to my increasingly weird "interview" questions: 

Q: Do you know anyone who snorts when they laugh?
A: 3 out of every 5

Q: Have you ever farted while sneezing?
A: Sometimes I've squirted

Q: Do you make your own hummus or do you let the grocery store rape you at $4 or so for a tiny container of the least expensive food on the planet: beans?

Josiah Trades Me Butt Sketch for Mark's Self Portrait

Josiah and Rosalie doin' a bARTer Sauce trade
Josiah and Rosalie doin' a bARTer Sauce trade

It's February First Thursday.

I'm wearing a skirt for some odd reason.

Two women show up unexpectedly and give me a box of trading cards that they made featuring bARTer Sauce items and stories. These two kind women have used bARTer Sauce for a class project and distributed some trading cards around the city advertising bARTer Sauce at First Thursday. I had no idea.

Then, imagine a young man walking in. HOLDING ONE OF THE TRADING CARDS....

Royce Trades me Four Boobed Alien with Dingle for Faux Fossil

Royce and Rosalie doin' a bARTer Sauce trade
Royce and Rosalie doin' a bARTer Sauce trade

Royce came to First Thursday in February 2008 armed with a backpack full of paintings

. At first I thought he was going to give them ALL to me, but then I realized I was just a greedy, little piggy and in fact, he just brought me many OPTIONS. Which is almost as good.

Kimberly Trades Me A Photo of a Naked Chick for Wire Face

Kimberly and Rosalie doin' a Sauce Trade
Kimberly getting cursed
Kimberly and Rosalie doin' a Sauce Trade
Kimberly and Rosalie doin' a Sauce Trade

My studio partner, Kimberly, is awesome. She runs Stir and paints silk scarves and ties. And she paints baseball hats with robots on them. Awesome. Robots are awesome!

MOBA gives me a Velvet Last Supper in exchange for the Eyes for Boobs painting

Painting of a woman with eyes for boobs

I finally got around to sending the Museum of Bad Art their painting (and some more hats for Mike) and I got something fantastic in trade.

A Velvet Last Supper painting. My ultimate fantasy has come true.

Seriously. I've always wanted a velvet painting.

Oh wait!

I forgot, I already had a velvet Elvis.


Nameless Guy trades me Eyes for Boobs in exchange for two sock puppets and Viagra Falls

Man With Sock Puppet

I met this guy at the coffee shop in Georgetown (I can say that because Georgetown is the one place in Seattle that only has one coffee shop) and we did the trade.

I love his painting. Excuse me, my eyes are up here! Oh...wait.

My favorite! We had plenty of time to do the trade while we were waiting in line for coffee because everyone and their mother was there with their dogs.

Argh. Dogs. I like dogs. But not in my coffee. And certainly not in line in front of me. Why do they get to be in front of me. That blows.

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